Monday, April 28, 2008

Still Not Beyoncé...

All right, I have more to say about the last post. Anyone who’s watched the preliminary rounds of American Idol knows the “follow your dream” claim is bogus. Most of the head cases Fox trots out for worldwide humiliation are not going to make it in the music business. They can follow their dreams all they want, but they’ll still be singing off-key and possibly suffering from syndromes described in the DSM-IV*. Besides, if everyone’s dreams came true, Major League Baseball would need a lot more expansion teams, and who would want that besides ESPN?
* Fine, I’ll tell you: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders

Friday, April 25, 2008

THEY say…"You can be anything if you follow your dream."

This is a crock! For years I’ve been closing my eyes and imagining myself looking like Beyoncé Knowles. But when I open my eyes and sprint to the mirror, I find out that I’m still a slightly overweight, bow-legged, 5’2” white woman.

Monday, April 21, 2008

"Pregnancy clears up acne."

That’s what my mother assured me. More than once, too. This turned out to be a bold, acne-faced lie that she told just so SHE could be a grandmother. I believed her, and soon I was waddling like an under-study for one of the stars of The March of the Penguins and a face full of zits.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

THEY said, "Everyone has a blog except you."

At least, that was the impression THEY gave me. Now I find out that my I-lost-track-of-how-many-times-removed cousin in Detroit does not have a blog. So now I have a blog. This is only my first post, but I think I like it!