Monday, June 23, 2008

“The Death Penalty is a Deterrent to Crime.”

Really?…Here’s a scenario…I’m in a drug and alcohol-fueled murderous rage...I’m about to pull the trigger, but suddenly I remember that I live in a state that might put me to death instead of a state where I’ll be locked up for the rest of my I put the gun down and walk away? I don’t think so. Not only is deterrence total psychological hogwash, but states with the death penalty have higher homicide rates than states without it—according to The New York Times, 101% higher! Around the world, 131 countries have abolished the death penalty. And the company we keep? In 2006, 91% of all executions took place in just six countries: China! Iran! Iraq! Pakistan! Sudan! and...drum roll...the U.S. of A! I say, let's kill the death penalty!

Monday, June 2, 2008

“I’m leaving to spend more time with my family.”

Why do THEY even bother saying that? Everyone knows when people invoke The Family, it means they were sent packing for doing something really sleazy. But they do the dance every time: The sleaze-of-the-week is introduced in laudatory terms by the very party who told him to get out NOW! to avoid further toxic association with the disgraced resignee, who then slouches to the microphone and mumbles the lame line about “my family.” What, are we supposed to believe the guy woke up that day and said, “Oh no! I just remembered! I have a family!” The only one who could have legitimately said he was quitting to spend time with his family is Dennis Kucinich. Any day now, his way-hotter-than-he-is wife might look at a photo of the two of them and wonder what she was thinking.